Side Dish: Manitou Cliff Dwellings 2/19/11

Mesa Turde. Hovencheap. Crapo Canyon. Poopatki. Whatever name change you choose, it understates the astonishing hideousness of Manitou Cliff Dwellings, located a short drive west of Colorado Springs. Though tucked in the stunning hills above Manitou Springs, the Anasazi ruins featured here hold all the historical authenticity of the Abraham Lincoln birth cabin, though without any of the cheeky charm. Opened to the public in 1907, the Cliff Dwellings make no effort whatsoever to reveal their inherent fakery, suggesting that the rooms and alcoves actually housed the Ancestral Pueblo people, when in fact they never even passed through the area. Many of the stones were stolen from genuine sites, brought to Manitou, and forged together in the most cynical effort yet to deceive gullible tourists. Based on the teeming crowds this February day, no one seems to care.

As soon as the half-stoned teenager assaults you for the $9.75 entrance fee (per person!), you are led to a rapidly filling parking lot where, in the distance, the ruins call as if brought here from Disneyland. Ain't they something? One wonders how many people think these plastic reproductions are the real deal, but I'm sure I'd be depressed by the results. When considering vacation options, Colorado families likely look at a map, get frustrated by the long drive to Mesa Verde, and figure that these dwellings are, well, just as good. And you sure as hell can't get a greasy burger at those snooty NPS sites, can you? The teepee was a nice touch, too, reminding everyone involved that Anasazi, though a hard word to pronounce, is some sort of Indian, and no one who comes here is likely to care about tribal distinctions.

As you close in on the circus of stone and plaster, the piped-in music dazzles the ear with its stereotypical silliness. That it's the exact same music one hears at The Fort restaurant in Morrison, CO shouldn't matter, but all I could think of was the delicious quail that would not be found at this attraction's buffet table. Parting the screaming kids like a sea of snot, we walked on, in, and around the assorted rooms, which would be unthinkable anywhere history was even halfheartedly respected. One is encouraged to touch, rub, climb, and hell, even kick, just to see how sturdy these (gasp!) hundred-year-old buildings actually are. Every so often, one encounters an educational sign, and not one of them disabuses the casual traveler of the notion that actual people once lived here. They did not, though one who cares about the past just might slit his wrists here in protest of the rank exploitation. Cameras clicked, cameras rolled, and frantic parents pushed along impatient children, as if this counted towards their educational fulfillment for the day.

The tour is, thankfully, self-guided, which makes perfect sense, as no tour guide could ever hope to keep a straight face while leading American idiots through this slab of bullshit. More to the point, poorly paid nitwits would not be forced to lie in the face of questions about whether or not this was simply an abandoned movie set or some rich eccentric's idea of a home. Looking for petroglyphs or examples of Native art? Painted arrows on the wall are about all you'll find, and the expected kiva is so drab it barely registers as a poor copy. Since the dwellings are offensive to anyone with a pulse, they might consider adding a dash of color with either wax dummies in various Native poses (crushing corn, tending fires, etc.), or perhaps the genuine article. They could speak in long-dead languages, too, enabling them to escape detection as they cursed the white devils who raped their land and set up whorehouses of commerce in their place.

While spending more time in a room that features some old Native man carrying on with sounds that approximate a painful bowel movement was very tempting, we had to move on to the site's real raison d'etre, the gift shop. Built as a Pueblo-style complex, it became a "museum" in 1984, which means everyone can now enjoy cheesy dioramas and "artifacts" that are likely there on a rotating basis from the store's shelves. While much of what appears before you is related to Anasazi life and culture, one wonders why the biggest display features top Indian killer John Wayne. "Why not?", one might ask, as it becomes just as difficult to argue that stuffed buffalo and Anasazi shot glasses are any less insulting to a once proud heritage. All that was missing was a game room, or perhaps a slot machine or two, to remind visitors of their more likely encounter with Native Americans in the 21st century.

What better way to end our visit than with the purchase of a lifetime? No, not one of the many arrowheads in the dollar bin, or the kind of jewelry you'd give someone you never want to see again, but gen-u-ine John Wayne Toilet Paper. Because when I want to honor ancient peoples, I first consider what might have graced The Duke's tender ass. We laugh so as not to cry.

Side Dish - Stamp Sickness

There is a disease that creeps ever so slowly throughout the National Park Service. It is more virulent than Ebola, more contagious than Influenza, more maddening than whatever ailed King George III. It is not found in a medical journal, nor discussed at yearly physician symposiums. But for the thousands afflicted, it is a condition that will forever alter the course of your life....The disease known as:

The pursuit of the "next" stampitis.

We are relative latecomers to the Eastern National Passport Stamp collection, only beginning our journey in 2009 with an innocent visit to Montezuma Castle National Monument. In the corner of the ranger station was a small green inkpad and an innocuous looking round stamp. Viewing from afar, Brooke casually commented "Hmmm.....that looks interesting".

It has since forth consumed our lives.......in the very best, fantastic, magnificent way possible.

Once the first passport book was purchased at the White Sands National Monument Visitor Center, we filmed a sequence on our video camera about how "we found a new obsession" and giggled as we planned trips to Petroglyph, Pecos, and Fort Union on the way home.

Since that trip, we have vacationed 17 of the last 19 months in pursuit of the rounded ink blot commemoration of a visit to one of America's treasures. We have traversed the entire states of Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, South Dakota, etc...all with the intent of taking in all the NPS has to offer.

But the stamp rules above all.


We, at the present time, have no less than 12 trips planned down to the exact days needed, total mileage, and hotel stops that we are champing at the proverbial bit on a daily basis to get to. Anticipation is a wonderful thing, but also quite maddening when all we would like nothing more to do is to get in the car and drive for months, collecting every region's stamp and basking in sites we would not have otherwise seen if it were not for this small blue book.

We have not only taken in the glory of Yellowstone (which has proven to be our favorite trip ever), and the grandeur of the hoodoos of Bryce Canyon; but we have walked the lesser known paths of Mormon pioneers at Pipe Spring National Monument, and heard the gravel crunch under our feet on a cloudless day at Wupatki National Monument. The unheralded sites are often the most satisfying to us as travelers, for it feels that for a day, we remember what happened there. The world may have moved on, but that Golden Spike was indeed driven in on a fateful day and changed the U.S. forever. We were THERE.......we came, we saw and we conquered (except for you know....Timpanogos Cave...the Parking Lot sure was pretty). The stamp is not only an obsession, but a postmark in time. A blue, red, or yellow memory that is marked forever.

There is no cure for Stamp Sickness. Upon reaching your destination and stamping your saved spot, an ache already begins to fill the soul.....Where is the next site? Are we close? Can we squeeze it in?

The "antibiotic" of choice for this affliction is the constant planning, commiserating, researching, and driving to the next place that holds your reward. For those curious about the Eastern National Passport Book, they are readily available at most NPS visitor centers and online at http://www.easternnational.com/ .

But beware......Once the "Blue Book Plague" enters your bloodstream, there is no medicine but travel to relieve the anxiety. Fabulous, blissful, magical, life-altering travel.

Proceed with caution, dear reader.........

Hallelujah through the Haze - Canyonlands National Park (Islands in the Sky District) - 5/28/10

Through our week long trip throughout Utah and Arizona in May of 2009, we were fortunate enough to see some of the United States' greatest scenery. Monument Valley, Sedona, Arches National Park and the creme de la creme' - The Grand Canyon. The first time one sees the vista of Mather Point overlooking the vastness of the Colorado carved canyon it is etched in your memory forever. However - little did we know that a vista nearly as grand was nestled high above the town of Moab, just a short drive away from our home in Denver...

And so on to May of 2010. After leaving Natural Bridges National Monument outside of Blanding, UT, we drove north towards our overnight destination, Grand Junction, CO. The sky was cloudy, the wind fierce, and a pall of what looked eerily like smoke covered the Moab skies. However - in pursuit of "one more stamp - because we ARE right here after all", we decided to detour up the windy road 25 miles to visit the Islands in the Sky District of Canyonlands National Park.

Canyonlands is without question, an odd duck, because the drive up the mountain can not prepare you in the slightest for what you are about to behold. A colorful rock here and there as you drive, and then the car approaches an innocent looking plateau that announces the entrance to the park. The skies were almost worse at the top, but after showing the Ranger our America the Beautiful Parks Pass, we drove towards the visitor center where our jaw hit the floor.

Beyond the haze (which we have since understood is a fairly common occurance) was a canyon that not only rivaled the Grand, but surpassed it in some aspects. The colors of the rocks, while muted to us along with the cragged rocks allowed the visitor the sensation that this place was tangible. The Grand Canyon, so large and majestic, can overwhelm the casual visitor. Canyonlands provides the opposite. This great Park can be absorbed in a look, a short climb and a overlook containing a hand-shaped canyon close enough to touch.

We do realize our photos are rubbish.....Nowhere in the above capsules could the casual blog viewer be able to recognize what our eyes did that hazy May Day. The very first words we uttered after leaving the visitor center were, "We are SO coming back here the first chance the sky is clear". The anticipation is almost too much, as we still have yet to visit the Needles District, with its colorful hoodoos, but this is what the National Park System is to us. A humbling grandeur allowing the everyday tourist to see something as wondrous as this.

Arches National Park, a short 30-mile drive south (and down approximately 4,500 feet) Canyonlands offers a drastically different landscape, but one that is quintessentially Utah. Moab is a biker's paradise on the ever-present slickrock tracks through that parks amazing viewpoint. But Canyonlands seems almost forgotten, with every other site in Utah taking center stage due to its own natural beauty. Perhaps our thoughts are far off, as millions pass through here every year. However - the name doesn't come to the tongue first when speaking Utah superlatives.

For us, it assuredly will now.

Visit here.......go out of your way 500 miles to do so if necessary, but by all means take the plateau drive to these Islands in the Sky.

FINAL RATING

10/10 (even with the haze...it might Spinal Tap its way to 11 next time)

UPDATE - Agate Fossil Beds National Monument (Revisited) - 1/26/11

On our recent visit to Nebraska, we decided to venture the 35 miles north of Scottsbluff once again to the barren landscape of Agate Fossil Beds National Monument. The weather, being decidely better this go-round, afforded us the opportunity to hike one of the two trails at the site.

No birds were killed on this latest foray near Harrison, NE, but the brisk wind of a cool January afternoon promised us that at the very least,  there'd be no rain this time. We ventured back into the visitor center, where the NPS ranger announced that we, along with the other couple browsing the displays, were the only visitors of the day thus far. Agate Fossil Beds National Monument is one of the Top 5 Least Visited Monuments in the National Park System, averaging a meager 12,000 visitors per year (Alibates Flint Quarries - previously mentioned - receives only 2,000 tourists per year). The ranger was so starved for contact that he asked Matt for his advice on camera angles for an upcoming brochure shoot. (By the way....definitely the shot through the window of the dinosaur skeletons framing the Excavation Hills in the distance)

The elderly pair inquired about the trails through the monument. Equipped with a cane, the old man asked if he could easily traverse the trails, to which the ranger answered affirmatively..."Yes - this is an easy hike. You will have no problem".

Lies! All lies!!

We heard the Excavation Hill Trail described as a "Nature Walk" and decided to take the one mile round trip Daemonelix Trail instead. This was also described as "easy" and passed by fossils of the ancient burrowing mammal along the route.

Instead of gravel or hard packed dirt, the trail above was a soft mish-mash of red stone dust. Each step resulted in sinking down into the mud. I envisioned the elderly man taking two steps with his cane and getting stuck like Willy Wonka making his grand entrance, sticking in place, and causing Grandpa to tumble ass first into the crimson mud.

The climb gained steady elevation, which made our lungs burn in the cold January air, but ultimately proved invigorating at the end. The helix shaped fossils of the Daemonelix are easily spotted throughout the rock bluffs on the one mile trail, which at the apex provides the hiker with a pristine fossil over 35 million years old of this small prehistoric animal. Paleontologists believe these small creatures lived in packs, much like prairie dogs, creating throughout the hard rock a virtual ant farm.

To be sure, Agate Fossil Beds National Monument is not a shining star in the NPS system, but our second visit helped our perspective of the site better and allowed us to experience the excavation sites, bringing the site's importance back to light. We are not fans usually of repeat visits, but this one helped the site..........a little.

• REVISED RATING

4/10

We'll Have the Elk......Wait, What? - Bent's Old Fort National Historic Site - 8/15/09

Bent's Old Fort, located in the south-central town of La Junta, CO, was the inspiration for a Colorado Dining Landmark, "The Fort" http://www.thefort.com/ , which also happens to be one of the Cale's preferred dining spots. The Fort Restaurant is located in the hills just outside of Morrison, CO, and echoes the frontier fortresses of old. The crackling log fire, along with piped-in Native American flute tunes, reflect a gimmick restaurant to be sure, but it features the famous "Game Plate", which consists of a Buffalo Filet Mignon, two Elk Chops and a Teriyaki Glazed Quail, which is so good, it makes you wanna' slap your mama.

A slight diversion on a travel blog, but any reminder of The Fort is a-ok with us. A short 72-mile drive off of I-25 near Pueblo takes you through several small towns famous for their watermelons, cantaloupes and honeydew melons (well worth stopping at a roadside stand to pick up a few along the way). A small drive from La Junta brings the traveler to the entrance of the reconstructed 1840's adobe fort.

The bugs were in full force as we approached near the end of the day. Brooke had been bitten by a spider a day before in Denver, creating not only a lump on her upper arm, but dizzy spells to boot. No matter though....Matt announced early in the morning, "Get up...we're going to Bent's". Protests of double vision fell on deaf ears, and we headed into Southeastern Colorado. Upon exiting the car at Bent's, two additional mosquitos bit Brooke on the short walk you see above you. NOT a pleasant start to the visit.

However - once inside, all itching subsided and we immersed ourselves in the fur trading reconstructed building before us. There is not a "ranger station" to be found here; a table in the hallway and a folding chair comprised the only visible ranger area. We knew from reading the NPS website that Bent's Old Fort had a new film available for viewing: "Castle of the Plains", a 20-minute documentary which introduced the site in great detail.

This excellent film was the very best of all forts we have visited in the NPS system as of yet. William & Charles Bent made their mark by establishing the fort as an important Indian trading post, along with a fur pelt processing and packaging "center" of sorts. The Fort gained importance during the migration of travelers on the Santa Fe Trail, allowing needed respite, but also for protection against the Natives. The Bent Brothers, however, knew that business was supreme. All were welcome......as long as their money shone brightly, or their pack mules was covered in buffalo skins.

Bent's Old Fort was designated as a National Historic Site by President Eisenhower in June 1960, and the reconstruction of the dilapadated fort took place over the next 16 years. Schematics, maps and personal accounts were all painstakingly researched to create the exact replica we see today. Normally, replicas fail to establish the feeling of another era, as the plastered walls are always visible. Bent's, however, is extremely well done from top to toe. The Fort appears as it did in its heyday, and the NPS allows wildlife to wander through the Fort's walls with abandon. (The peacock below, is NPS property, however...he did scare the bejeezus out of us both as we left a room, almost stepping on him).

As with many other forts, the rooms were outfitted with period furnishings and replica furniture and goods. However, at other sites like Fort Larned and Fort Laramie, they feel out of place, as they are often behind glass and not accessible to the traveler. At Bent's, everything (and every room) is at your service. Walk up to the cinder filled stove, sit at the chow table, hell....sleep in the bed if you want to to try it out. Here, everything feels as though the people had just gone to La Junta for the day to soak up a little sun and would be due back any minute. It all works here......

The interaction with the surroundings allows a connection to this site that is lacking at other Fort sites around the country. Perhaps we are no better than a couple of kids in a Children's Musuem wanting to touch everything in our vicinity, but it was a good change from the sterile environments of the other outposts.

The walking tour brochure, picked up at the entryway, is essential. Although it is obvious where you are in the fort from your room's decor, the brochure laces each room with stories and memories from inhabitants, soldiers, and passers-by over the years in the Fort.

A visit can be completed in a little over an hour, but one could spend a much longer visit at Bent's Old Fort NHS, if the surrounding area trails and riverside walks are traversed. It is a delightful way to spend a day in a lesser known area of Colorado.

Pity, though, about the lack of elk chops........

FINAL RATING

7/10