Lone Star Colossus: Lyndon B. Johnson Nat'l Historical Park 3/25/12

When we last came to the LBJ Ranch in May of 2007, our obsession was not with passport ink or National Park sites, but rather the headstones of former presidents. Following our maniacal treks through the Civil War battlefields of the east, we moved along to executive gravesites and, at the time, Johnson’s final resting place in the Texas Hill Country was the final stop, save the sudden and last-minute inclusion of Gerald Ford’s Michigan slot. And since Lady Bird was still alive (though not for long), we did not have access to the Texas White House, a crucial part of the overall tour that was a shame to leave behind. Now, having graduated to the stamping fix and in the area for the San Antonio Missions, we simply had to visit the LBJ site once again. After all, was there not a new stamp to be had? And surely we had to replace the mail order sticker with an actual book impression, right? If anything, we just had to know if that crazy tram operator was still rambling to rube and tourist alike as she snaked around the ranch roads.

Due to predictable budget cuts, the LBJ National Historical Park tour has indeed changed, and no longer do tourists have to gather at the state park visitor center for a bus ride through the hills and valleys of the ranch. Folks are now on their own, aided by an audio CD for use in their own vehicle. The disc is helpful to be sure, and probably not much different than the live guide, though matters are dramatically helped by the inclusion of Johnson’s own voice throughout the brief interlude. It’s a restrained, somber Lyndon, though, reserving his commentary to matters of the landscape, rather than balls-out invective that all but gives you the Johnson treatment right through the stereo speakers. In some ways, the CD is part of what makes the LBJ ranch tour – though informative – not exactly what one might expect, given the subject at hand. Yes, Johnson was shaped and developed by the very land before us, but his gargantuan personality seems to have been put on hold, lest we run for our very lives. I get that no “official” site is going to present the man in full – the man arguably the most obnoxiously gifted politician in American history – but there’s little here of the cock-first bully so gloriously chronicled in Robert Caro’s still-unfinished chronicle. It’s like we’re coming home to the LBJ of his final years; where he put up his feet and let his hair grow long, with no chests left to poke, or bitter wars to be won.

Still, we made the full drive around the site once again, checking off the reconstructed birthplace, Junction school (where he returned with his teacher to sign the Elementary and Secondary Education Act), family cemetery (LBJ and Bird, together again), show barn, and hangar. It is at this last stop where the unfamiliar part of the tour began for us, and how wonderful to be greeted first by “Air Force One-Half”, a Lockheed JetStar that had been rotting away in an Arizona desert, all but forgotten to history. Newly restored, it’s a genuine treat, and it answers the question of how LBJ got to his ranch when it was clear that the site’s runway could never handle the jumbo-sized Air Force One. A short distance from the plane’s resting place is the hangar, which has been recently converted to an additional visitor center, and the launching pad for all tours of the Johnson home. The displays in the hangar are few, but there’s a movie to be had, as well as a new stamp for the faithful. Visitors can also get an up-close and personal look at a few of LBJ’s cars, which had previously been behind glass. On this day, house tours were running every twenty minutes or so, and the crowds were growing by the minute. As much of the house had only been opened to the public in December 2011, there was palpable excitement, certainly on our end.

Given that this was a frenzied Sunday, we knew our tour would be rushed, but getting inside was enough, and what better place to start than LBJ’s “Oval Office”? Restored with pinpoint accuracy, thanks to numerous photos, we had to quickly catch our glances as we were pushed aside, but not before we saw a wad of “Johnson bills” near a desk. Now there’s the LBJ we know and love – replacing Washington’s face with his own, likely to allow for souvenirs that could supplement the ever-present bronze busts (which he had mass-produced to hand out as “gifts”). Next up, we glimpsed the dated kitchen, the dining area, and yes, even a bathroom, with a wall phone right next to the toilet. No telling if the shower retained the legendary Lyndon shower head, which was said to exert the water pressure of a fire hose. The closet was a particular treat, what with the dozens of monogrammed LBJ shirts and suits. It’s an impressive collection to be sure. The next to last room, Johnson’s bedroom, is the most historically important, and consider me tickled for being able to stand right next to the bed where he suffered his final, fatal heart attack back in January 1973. Listen closely for the charming anecdote about the room’s massage table, and yes, there’s even a rug that was a gift from the Shah of Iran. It’s not often one gets to stand in the very room where a president has died, and at last, I felt the circle close for this second ranch visit. Lady Bird’s bedroom is right next door, and according to the guide, its appearance – a bit garish for modern tastes – was left exactly this way, right up until her death.

All but pushed out the side door, visitors can observe the pool, a spot, no doubt, for late nights of aggressive skinny dipping, as well as strategic bull sessions. LBJ was, above all, the most political of animals, and from all accounts, he never turned it off. He simply had no other interests. He read little and was certainly no intellectual, but few human beings understood human nature more, and his mastery at the game had no rivals. Curiously, the home is, all things considered, rather modest, and it speaks well of Johnson that he had no real interest in living like a sultan. It is said that his upbringing in poverty motivated most of his future political positions, perhaps including his marriage to a woman of relative means. Here and there, the site reflects the president of staggering achievements – Civil Rights Act, Voting Rights Act, Medicare, Medicaid, federal funding to education, environmental and arts funding – but at bottom, this is a personal stop; a retreat into the man, rather than the myth. Needless to say, there’s also precious little concerning the all-consuming madhouse of Vietnam, or even the race riots that defined Johnson’s final years in office. But who needs it when we have the amphibious vehicle where Johnson scared the crap out of visitors by pretending to have lost the brakes while driving into the river? We can practically see Lyndon himself raise a glass of Cutty Sark to his own cruel sense of fun. The current manifestation of the presidency has rarely felt so small by comparison.

FINAL RATING

9/10