Side Dish: Old Tucson Studios - Tucson, AZ

Riddle: "What is $40 and a complete ripoff"?

Solution: "Who Cares? The Cales are gladly paying admission."

We often think that Roadside America attractions are some of the best things this beautiful country has to offer. The prospect of gazing our eyes at the World's Largest Ball of Twine (alas, yet to be visited....perhaps this summer), or a Passion Play in Eureka Springs, AR renders us giddy. However, the 90+ degree heat that welcomed us to Old Tucson Studios made us nauseous.

Nestled a few miles from the Tucson Mountain District of Saguaro National Park, Old Tucson Studios is a oft-used movie studio set now catering to gullible travelers looking to recapture cinematic memories. The glory days of Wild West movies are remembered in each of the cheaply constructed buildings. Films of such caliber filmed on site were:
- Winchester '73
- Rio Bravo
- Tombstone
- Gunfight at the OK Corral
- Hombre
- The Outlaw Josey Wales
- The Frisco Kid (I said it - Don't like this film? Them be fightin' words in our household)

In 1995, a fire ripped through the set, destroying 85% of the original buildings and movie set. Resolute to not lose their cash cow, the Studio wasted no time in quickly rebuilding the attraction. An exhibit is hidden in a small museum on the grounds. A framed newspaper clipping collage shows the devastating fire and the ashes it left behind. Stealth placement of this information no doubt eludes the majority of tourists. No one likes reconstructions. Even reconstructions of plywood set pieces. We want the real thing, dammit.

All the predictable buildings are here: Olsen's Merchantile (I kid you not), the Saloon, the forever-robbed Bank, Corral, Stagecoach Lines, Church, etc. Some consist of four walls and not much more. Others are on double-duty as the worst possible gift shops ever to grace the face of a tourist attraction.  The $17.95 admission fee is grossly overpriced for the size of the park. Want to ride the stagecoach? Pony up $3 more per person, my friend. How about a horseback ride around the perimeter of the stuido? Only $20 extra for an hour ride. We were informed that the Train Ride is included in the entrance fee, which made us think of Knott's Berry Farm, complete with the masked robber and cap gun loud enough to give you a heart attack. Alas, the "train" was a kiddie train with open seating and umbrella covers that moved slowly around the small studio. Thanks for the freebie, Old Tucson...

There is a certain charm once you reach the center of the small set. The dusty air kicked up by travelers settles around the buildings (most impressive being the hotel/saloon), and you can picture Jimmy Stewart haggling with an Indian for a silver dollar to shoot a bullet through.

Re-enactors conduct tours and inservices on topics such as blacksmithing and stagecoach repair, and to recreate famous movie battles (ours was The Quick and the Dead, which, despite the presence of God Personified, also known as Gene Hackman, was a pretty crappy movie).

We arrived in Tucson on a relatively mild day by Arizona standards. The 92 degrees zapped every ounce of  our strength after 30 minutes. We managed to traverse the entire set within 15-20 minutes, and then aimlessly walked around attempting to get every cent worth of our admission fee. But wait! A "real" Wild West Show was ready to begin! We moseyed our way to the open lot at the rear of the studio, and into the awaiting laps of 195 degree aluminum bleacher seats with nary a shade source to be found. Our skin blistered within 5 minutes, but the anticipation of the "explosion filled show" was enough to bear the sun's unrelenting rays.

This is a snippet of what we were greeted with. Apparently, Bjorn Borg starred in westerns.....

This woman was far more entertaining to watch. Now THIS is how you dress when you are a 70-year-old grandmother! Grandma's ample cans came a mere 1/8 inch from spilling from her tanktop (?) and stopping Western Expansion. With her British accent, she gave a whole new meaning to the term "English Leather."

Upon our departure, we stopped at the gift shop towards the entrance of the Studio. The time was now 4:00. A couple asked if they could still visit, and were told that it was $10.00 after 4pm. For $20.00, Old Tucson Studios is a good way to finish out the day. For $40 however...bit of a ripoff. Our suggestion is to wait until the end of the day and save yourselves the extra cash.