Side Dish - Dodge City & Greensburg, KS - 5/16/08

The anticipation of seeing a Western town come to life, and living all the experiences seen on television and movies, was in both of our minds when we made the dusty drive through Southern Kansas one May afternoon. Who could forget the scene in National Lampoon's Vacation in the Dodge City saloon where the bartender pretend-shot Clark Griswold, and HAHAHAHA, won't that be awesome for us to do??? Would there be staged gunfights on the streets? Would the town be overrun with cowboys, gauchos and scenes from True Grit and the like?

But first, a sobering stop. The speck of Greensburg, Kansas was Ground Zero for a catastrophic F-5 tornado in May of 2007. The town of 1,500 people was 95% destroyed, flattened in a matter of moments when the tornado, which was the width of the town itself, swept through picking up everything in its path.

Leonardo DiCaprio found and championed this torn town, whose ultimate goal was to rebuild, and only with green and environmentally-friendly materials, which was followed in a Discovery Channel series as the town attempted the impossible. Not surprisingly.....nothing really happened and the town, and from rumors is much as it was when we visited. What we saw was a swath of broken trees, rubble piles, and the very beginnings of a town trying to come back from the dead.

Several houses were in the process of being constructed, and FEMA trailers were visible on the outskirts of town. The only business open in the town was a gas station on the highway that seemed not only to be the busiest place in town, but a meeting place of sorts. Signs for support, council meetings, and cries for assistance were all over the billboards. There was a large milk jug at the register asking for donations. This jug, not surprisingly, was nearly full. This seems a resilient little town, and we will definitely revisit in the near future, as our feeling is that it might, unfortunately, look the same.

We left Greensburg for the promise of reliving the Wild West in Dodge City, KS. A short drive from Greensburg, the road takes you to the outskirts of the city of 50,000. But........wait a minute....Where in the hell was Boot Hill? Why is every sign in Spanish? Did Pancho Villa conquer this town? Surely....this can't be the Dodge City of lore.....

Yup.......

We drove into downtown, with all business storefronts carrying a "FOR LEASE" sign, and desperately looked for something that led us to Boot Hill. However - we passed it TWICE and didn't even know it.

The Dodge City of today is a street block in downtown that is blocked off, so all visitors can pay their fair share for the distinction of walking amongst MDF particleboard store fronts, of which all but two were closed. No authenticity was felt from the second we left the parking lot to the two feet it took to get to the ticket booth.

After spending $10 (!!) a person, we were told that we HAD to watch the film before we were able to go outside and experience the splendor. We were ushered past the gift shop, behind a porn store type curtain, into a room that was heated to approximately 172 degrees, and sat on the ripped carpet blocks to watch a film that continuously ran throughout the day. We absorbed, oh........nothing about the lore of Dodge City, and blew out looking for any fresh air.

We took a small trail to the top of "Boot Hill", which was a cemetery the size of our backyard. Matt was slackjawed throughout the entire visit, and went a little bonkers on the walk.

The Front Street walk took all of five minutes, as every store (as previously mentioned) was closed. We had actually planned at one point (hold your laughter here) to spend TWO DAYS in Dodge City when doing our vacation planning, as we thought there was no way the entire site could be experienced in less than 48 hours. Our total visit was about 25 minutes.....and we stretched every minute out. The crowds obviously stayed away as well, as we saw two other visitors in the time we were there (the two sitting on the bench below who are obviously saying to each other, WTF is this??)

We are fans of kitsch...Hell, we actively seek out cheese in its every form. But we stupidly had expectations for Dodge City. This was no doubt our fault for not doing real research, but disappointment is a bitter pill to swallow.....Damn you to hell, Chevy Chase.

Walking (and Walking) Into Darkness: Carlsbad Caverns Nat'l Park 3/19/10

You'll forgive us at the outset for the relative lack of photos inside of Carlsbad Caverns National Park. It's a dark place, and our camera is crap, so there it is. At any rate, the site's beauty and mystery have been captured in other places - and by better equipped photographers - so the tale we tell will be less about the heart-stopping images than the words surrounding our tired and weary legs. To date, we've seen all sorts of national parks - craggy peaks, geysers galore, and battlefields aplenty - but this one above all requires the most stamina. It's doable, even for tubs like us, because it's all downhill (they kindly provide a brisk elevator to the top after you're done), but don't let the lack of an uphill grade fool you. You'd better stay on your toes, otherwise you might hear a snap, begin a head-over-feet tumble, and knock the unsuspecting from the trail like so many bowling pins. So while it's easy to get lost in the "Holy crap!" views of this subterranean paradise, keep your eyes on the ground as much as possible, with rest breaks when necessary. Don't fall victim to what we quickly learned could fell even the most seasoned traveler - the dreaded Carlsbad Buckle. Knees, meet the quivering of your life.

You'll also forgive us for the lack of our standard picture at the site's entrance sign. Shockingly packed for a calm March day, we were forced to take a bus into the park itself, which disallowed a stop at the sign, even though it might have been tempting to yell at the clueless driver to indulge us. But aboard we went, and the drive in - while long in the sense that my anticipation was high (Brooke was here years before, though her companion nowhere near my level of charm and sophistication), was pleasantly diverting. It's just as well we took the bus, for the parking lot was packed to the gills with fresh, unsuspecting game (in retrospect, I'm not sure how half of them made it down, the poor slobs). The visitor center was buzzing with activity (what's this, a line for tickets?), so while I went to secure our admission, Brooke wandered off in search of the passport station. Little did I know it would be a walk into damnation, as the stamp is - to this day - the most vexing of them all. Why, I continue to ask my humiliated spouse, did you allow that NPS staffer to take your passport book? But before she could process what was going on, the page was inked, and the smeared mess we see today was made all-too-permanent. Tempted to throw the book into the cave and start anew, we instead moped along to the start of the tour, still griping about trivia while others took notice of the surroundings. No one ever said we had any perspective.

Ah, but there it is, a short walk away.....The Natural Entrance. It beckons like a portal to hell, yet there's nothing fiery about the caverns. Always a constant 56 degrees, it's a nice contrast to the New Mexico sun, which can be tough, even in the early spring. Switchbacks follow switchbacks, and while birds fly about you, cacti at the ready, you wonder what in the world you're in for. You might even relax a bit, thinking, "This isn't so bad.....I'll be down in no time." No, sir. Not even close. Once you are in the position to see the above image, you haven't even scratched the surface of the journey to come. This ain't no Jewel Cave, mister. This is the big time, and America's crown jewel of cave systems. Even getting to the Bat Cave section of the descent is only 200 feet. Just getting to the good stuff is one full mile. Before the Big Room, you pass Devils Den (500 feet down), Witches Finger, and Iceberg Rock, a 200,000-ton boulder (!!!) that fell thousands of years ago. But don't get too familiar, friend, as your legs are no doubt feeling the pinch. It's damp, cool, and a little unnerving (faint dripping sounds are interrupted by chirps and munchings that are surely hungry bats waiting to attack at any moment), but stay focused and keep plowing forward.

Okay, so it's the Big Room you came for, and it's the Big Room you're going to get. But again, don't ask for pictures. Just take our word for it - this is a destination spot, worth any expense and distance to visit. It's all the expected adjectives - surreal, other-worldly, hypnotic - and much, much more. In many ways, it's a privilege to witness such bizarre natural forces at work, for it's only due to our ingenuity and imagination that we could open it for public viewing in the first place. Centuries before, human beings had no expectation of taking a casual stroll into the earth's bowels, and likely would have scoffed at the opportunity. Now, we almost demand it. This is a spot where sulfuric acid dissolved limestone, which opened up "the fractures and faults into the large chambers we see today." It's a story of reefs, inland seas, and yes, the creation of the Guadalupe Mountains, which is essential to understanding Carlsbad itself. Drop by drop, billions and billions of times (no, creationists, not simply by God sneezing or something), the carving and shifting continued. As we're reminded, the stalactites and stalagmites (and other formations) began over 500,000 years ago after much of the cavern had been carved out. Mind-boggling doesn't even cover it.

Now, I know you just about tripped over yourself for a full mile, but the Big Room tour is yet another mile of twisting and turning, though most is relatively level. It's all here: the Hall of Giants (Giant Dome, Twin Domes, Rock of Ages), Temple of the Sun, Caveman Junction, Top of the Cross, and Mirror Lake. Sure, the tendency to cover everything with a religious veneer is a bit off-putting, but awe and reverence can be excused, especially for anyone not used to such imagery. One can only imagine what the site's initial explorers must have thought. One can also be excused for finding the Big Room a bit "artificial" at first, as we are no doubt jaded by our experiences with amusement park rides and facsimiles. Much of what we encounter these days is so phony and contrived that we're not really sure how to process the real deal. If an initial swing doesn't allow you to fully compute what you've seen, it is more than understandable. Fortunately, Carlsbad is more than worth a return visit. At least next time, we (and you) will know how to prepare for the physical toil the journey extracts.

FINAL RATING

Carlsbad Caverns National Park - 10/10

That nasty, vengeful park ranger who butchered our stamp - 0/10

Bitter Betty - Glen Canyon National Recreation Area - 5/25/10

This one is the least enjoyable to write......Too....Much....Bitterness....

Glen Canyon Recreation Area is an interesting and striking area of the country to visit. Stretching over 1.2 million square acres through Arizona and Utah, the deep canyon walls and inviting marinas are a haven for watersports enthusiasts. IF the water levels are deep enough, which lately has not been the case. Water is at a premium and no where is it more evident than this oasis in the desert.

 We arrived in Glen Canyon via the small town of Big Water, UT. The surprise at this visitor center was the wealth of information and stamps for other NPS sites (Grand Staircase-Escalante, Vermilion Cliffs etc). We filled the book with no less than 6 stamps at this one location. After our drive from Pipe Spring the same day, and weaving our way through the outskirts of the Vermilion Cliffs National Monument, we were in a upbeat mood.

Then....we arrived in the nightmare of Page, AZ. A community of 5,000 hearty yearlings and retired snowbirds, Page is in the middle of nowhere, and has nothing to show for its name on the map but the lake visible from just about everywhere. Our hotel cost a mini-fortune and was equipped with a distinct smell of old people, the decor of Sanford and Son's garage and an air conditioner from the 1970's that struggled with even blowing air into the room while it eclipsed 100 degrees outside. But all of this, was mere child's play compared to the biggest disappointment of all.

Might I draw your attention to the photo above and to the distinct white lines laying across the rocks at every turn. The water, as previously mentioned was at an 15-year low, and boats were mooring further out than the Marina. What does this mean to the Cale's??

Any hopes of visiting Rainbow Bridge were stolen.....The largest natural bridge in the world never fails to elicit the highest praise and superlatives from anyone who is fortunate enough to visit. We wouldn't know......all boat tours were canceled due to the lack of water allowing the boats to anchor within a 20 mile hike of the bridge itself. The wind was the equivalent of an F2 tornado the day we visited, so a helicopter ride was out of the question as well. We were sunk and heartbroken.

A dinner cruise!!! That will take some of the disappointment away. The brochures laid out before us at our "hotel" highlighted the cruise around the Wahweap Marina portion of the lake. We are definitely in....

Or not.......you see, the cruise had left 15 minutes before we picked up the phone. The 6:00 start time apparently changed to 5:30 without notice. Denny's it was.....But first, the 5 minute drive through the entire town of Page and the Glen Canyon Dam

We visited the Glen Canyon Dam Visitor Center and much to our horror.......had to hold the Rainbow Bridge passport stamp in our hands and then place in back in its holder. And to make matters worse??? Someone thought that brown ink was close enough to green for the Western Region Stamp. A trivial matter to any other traveler in the center that day (and there were hundreds....Page was hoppin'), but it was the capper to our short visit. Page will be visited again, the very second the water levels rise to get to Rainbow Bridge, but not a second before.

And next time....we're bringing our own green stamp-pad.

FINAL RATING

Glen Canyon National Recreation Area - Whatever......

Carved Kansas - Fort Larned National Historic Site - 1/16/2010

Forts in the NPS system are a curious and ubiquitous lot. From the ruins of Fort Union, to the reconstructed Bent's Old Fort to this isolated site in South Central Kansas, each site represented a respite to travelers on the Santa Fe Trail and a possible war target for the Native Americans fighting to protect their way of life. In some cases (Bent's Old Fort), a thriving trade was established between the soldiers, travelers and Native Americans satisfying all parties involved......At least for a while.

Driving endlessly on the plains of Kansas, everything begins to look the same. The round trip drive from the tiny burg of Goodland, KS to Nicodemus National Historic Site, then to Ft Larned and back, can easily be done in a day. Approximately 400+ miles for the entire loop, it certainly would not be a destination for most people on a unseasonably warm weekend in January, but for the Cales....it was another day, another stamp. The fort is located off of Hwy 156, approximately 6 miles east of a gas station, otherwise known as the town of Larned.

Fort Larned, while appearing the same as other forts we have visited, has the distinct difference of being the best preserved. The film is atrocious, but did help to complete the circle of the forts and battles that we had or were about to visit. The visitor center smelled of mildew, and one lonely park ranger actually appeared startled to even get a visitor. The pleasant view of the thousands of carvings that were made throughout the years of the Fort's existence, continue to be some of the best photos we have logged.

Every building throughout the fort is original, and still bears the markings of all of the inhabitants and passersby this small, dusty fort received.

We were the only visitors at the time we were at Ft. Larned, which made our walk around the fort's perimeter a nice one. A 55 degree day (!!) in January felt as though this was September or early October instead. The fort is outfitted with facsimiles of all military life throughout the buildings. Barracks, storerooms, blacksmiths, captain's quarters are all here....as they are in other forts. It was a lovely walk around the perimeter, but this site lacks something that you cannot put your finger on. It may be the BFE location, but it is not as satisfying as other spots on the NPS map.

The stamp, however - not at all satisfactory. For those not in the stamping obsession, each region has a specific color assigned to all the sites within. The Rocky Mountain Region is gold, the Western Region green and so forth. the Midwest Region is assigned to Orange. While that color cannot be the easiest stamp color to obtain, red is NOT a suitable substitution. Everyone knows red is Washington D.C. (oh, I'm sorry.......99.9999% of people in the country were not aware of this? Such is the nature of obsessions). Matt did not deal with this well at all.......

FINAL RATING

5/10

Side Dish - Sun Studio & Jim Neely's BBQ, Memphis, TN 5/12/08

Memphis is a hell of a town......I am not sure we have had an experience in a city that we have ever enjoyed more. Don't let the nay-sayers sway you from visiting. Graceland, the main attraction, drawing hundreds of thousands of visitors per year, is the Crown Jewel of Memphis attractions, but there are three more that one simply must NEVER miss....1) Lorraine Motel and the Civil Rights Museum (coming in a different side dish) 2) Sun Studios and 3) Jim Neely's Barbeque. All are burned in our memories forever.......

First stop of the day was Sun Studio - the birthplace of Rock and Roll and the site that launched the career of not only Elvis Presley, but other artists such as Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash, and others. Located in a tough to spot corner of Union Ave just outside of downtown, the small building shows none of the outwards signs of being a mecca.

But as with other "shrines", the faithful flock here as if being called to re-discover their past and touch memories beginning to fade. Step inside and one is instantly transported to a time before I-Pods, Napster, CD's, cassettes and hell, even 8 tracks. This is vinyl, baby....where it's always at in Sun Studio.

Back in January 1950, legendary music pioneer Sam Phillips opened this location looking to draw on new talent and take music in a different direction. At first, the studio was frequented by artists such as B.B. King, Ike Turner, Junior Parker, and Little Milton recording Rhythm & Blues tunes, doing well on their own, but no doubt due to racial reasons and the sad inability for mainstream America to accept these artists in their own right, kept the studio on the fringe.

Then, in 1954, a young man by the name of Elvis Presley sauntered in asking the secretary if he could cut a record for his mother's birthday present (which we found out was a outright lie...Gladys did not have a birthday that day, and Elvis was just another struggling artist looking for his big break). Singing a garbled and scratchy "My Happiness", the tune was etched into vinyl and Rock and Roll history was then born. Before the studio outgrew its space in 1959, much due to Elvis' success, this small site produced some of the most memorable 1950's tunes around.

The 90-minute tour is undoubtedly worth every penny paid. Matt wholeheartedly agreed when he set his eyes on his Tattooed Tour Goddess, Jean, who would be in his sights for the next glorious hour and a half. Jean was a blonde, tattooed to high heaven ("HONKYTONK" written across her chest was the most prominent), sassy little spitfire of a girl.......and a damn good tour guide as well. The tour starts in a memoraibilia room where the visitors see the original "My Happiness" record, along with the jacket Elvis wore when he made a splash on the Ed Sullivan Show. As Jean spoke, and I stepped away from Matt's drool, she played clips and music from all artists that performed at the Studio in its heyday. This focus allowed Sun Studio to come to life, as we stepped into the Holy Grail....the recording studio.

On the shabby floor is a black "X" to signify the spot where Elvis stood and music subsequently changed forever. It is to the studios advantage that it has not remodeled, but has left it as it was in the 1950's. The acoustics are shoddy compared to modern day studios, but no one cares. Jean demonstrated how Johnny Cash got the clicking sound of the guitar on the classic "Walk The Line" by sticking a dollar bill between the strings and the frets silencing the tunes. Stories of the Million Dollar Quartet and their endless impromptu jam session were tempered with music throughout making the studio come alive...Oh Yeah...and Jean shimmied down with the gee-tar, much to Matt's delight.

Matt decided to stand on THE "X" hoping to attract Jean's attention, but alas, she was shimmying for tips at this point, to which I did generously; the Cales have a rep to protect.



Sun Studio is an absolute delight. History can sometimes feel out-of-reach in many locations, but here, it is in the palm of your hand from the moment you step into the small lobby. We personally feel that although the site is a National Historic Landmark, it really should be a National Historic Site. Jazz is represented in New Orleans, why not Rock-n-Roll? It helped to define and shape this country as much as any other medium of the 20th century. It is definitely time for its just rewards.

But......time to eat (as it so often is on Cale vacations) and Holy Mamacita....did we EAT.

May I introduce you to Jim Neely's Restaurant. Within the walls of this small, 1970's decor building, there is housed some of the best barbeque you will ever have the pleasure of dining upon. We had seen the restaurant on the Food Channel, singing the praises of the food, and made it the Number One priority after leaving Sun Studio to chow down.

Two words....Potato Salad. Quite simply the very best either of us had ever had in our fat lives. We both had barbeque pulled pork and ceased with any conversation that might have been going on between us, as we could not have shoved the food in our mouths any faster. This was BBQ heaven.

We had started the day at the Civil Rights Museum, then to Sun Studio, lunch at Jim Neely's, a tour through Graceland, and finished our absolutely perfect day in Memphis doing the touristy thing of walking along Beale Street watching live blues. We retreated to our perfectly luxurious hotel on Beale, which had the greatest shower we have ever had the pleasure of experiencing on the road. We highly recommend the Beale Street Westin for anyone traveling to this town. Across the street from the Gibson Guitar Museum and the Fed Ex Arena, this place was nothing short of fantastic. We fell asleep, still able to hear the guitars and the people walking below us on Beale, laughing and singing. Life on days like this......is perfection.

Cales vs the Volcano: Capulin Volcano Nat'l Monument 9/26/09

We seem to have passed that blasted highway sign at least a thousand times on our travels through New Mexico. Located 33 miles east of I-25 and the once thriving town of Raton, we always took notice of the honest-to-goodness volcano as we made our way to or from Santa Fe (a frequent destination for its film festival), but could never be bothered to actually see it in person. We even drove by the entrance itself while coming back from our Texas trip. It beckoned, and we passed by in silence, as if it weren't pretty damn cool that a now extinct volcano (having last erupted anywhere from 56,000 to 62,000 years ago) was only a few hundred miles away from home. As with so much of our now travel-obsessed existence, it took the passport book to push us beyond mere consideration. Taking advantage of a particularly lovely September weekend, we left after work on a Friday, stayed the night in Pueblo, then drove to Capulin the following day, returning later with good memories and two delightful stamps. Capulin, at last, was no longer a stranger.

As always, the first stop is the visitor center, and this one, built in 1963, is overdue for a touch-up. Hell, raze it to the ground and start over. It's small, dated, and lacking any real displays that qualify as educational. At bottom, it would bore the hell out of the kids, who should be the primary audience for anything as fascinating as a reachable volcano. Still, the passport station was intact and ready to receive us, and that's about all we paused to notice before moving on our way. Unlike Sunset Crater in Arizona, visitors can drive to the very summit of this volcano, though the two-mile road (built in 1925, paved in 1987) that takes you there is surely a product of a time before preservation firmly took hold. At least here, the violation is a good thing, as it would be impossible to appreciate the site's beauty without staring into its once violent crater.

As one drives to the top, Capulin's reach becomes readily apparent, as the landscape demonstrates an extensive lava field well beyond the cone. The cone itself reaches 1,000 feet above the plains, and is so well preserved because the cinders, ash, and debris ejected from the earth fell back upon the vent and piled up. And as the site's web page tells us, "The symmetry of Capulin Volcano was preserved because lava did not flow from the main crater but from secondary vents located at the western base of the cone." The trees and extensive growth on the cone itself also slow the erosion process that affects similar sites. Still, one day it will all be gone, a victim of the very forces that gave it life.

Once at the top, there are two hiking possibilities: a one-mile Crater Rim Trail rail that gives a complete 360-degree view, and the Crater Vent Trail, which is 0.2 miles long (one way) and takes visitors to the very bottom of the crater. The latter has a 100-foot elevation change in a very short distance, so needless to say it made me regret the choice as I huffed my way back up. There are other, more difficult hikes along the lava trail, but we all know how those would end up. It's best to stay at the top, as the Raton-Clayton volcanic field and endless stretch of New Mexican land are truly spectacular. While the visit was relatively brief given the distance traveled, it was no small thing to say that we had spent a few hours not in a shopping mall or dark theater, but a geological wonder that once electrified the region with belching fire and fury.

FINAL RATING

7/10