Forget it, Jake....It's Alibates - Lake Meredith and the Flint Quarries 11/26/10

We knew it had to happen sometime. Here, in the lonely, maddeningly flat panhandle of Texas, sit two of the dimmest stars in the NPS constellation: Alibates Flint Quarries and Lake Meredith National Recreation Area. The former, a barren wasteland whose historical importance must be taken on faith due its Area 51-level secrecy and complete absence of context, the latter a shoulder-shrugging escape for prairie octogenarians desperate to shoehorn a bit of water skiing between dust storms, these goddamn-we-must-really-want-the-stamps locales are among the least visited for any number of reasons, the most obvious being their inherent lack of charm, delight, or even passing interest. We came, we saw, we gawked, but we'll be damned if we knew what we were looking at. Yeah, that's a dam, and sure, that's a red pile of dirt, but why again did I wear my tires to the nub getting here? Had to. The obsessed, above all, bleed obligation.

Fine, we will concede that a recreation area is not the best destination for Thanksgiving weekend travel, but couldn't the rangers have humored us a bit with a stray boat or two? A leathery sunbather, perhaps? The lake was quiet as a church mouse, as were we in the face of our regret of having turned away from Arizona's desert treasures to head here instead. All I know is, that steak in Amarillo had better bring me to my knees. There were numerous stops besides our "yeah, this turn looks good" choice, the Sanford-Yake Marina, but why bother? The water level was depressingly low, the air too chilled for a spontaneous skinnydip, and, well, what about the wildlife museum down the street?

After the hustle and bustle of an off-season paradise, we headed to Fritch proper, the home of the visitor center. And our stamps. We lingered a bit longer than necessary, first because the bored ranger seemed to forget how to give change for my magnet (the other ranger sat glassy-eyed in front of her computer, looking up only to express slight shock that someone had actually stumbled in), and second due to our reservations about our next stop: the dreaded Quarries. Damn Alibates. Damn it to hell. No visitor center of its own, oddly scheduled guided tours whereby some stranger drives you around in an unmarked truck, and roads to nowhere. Badly maintained roads to nowhere. There's a reason it's the least visited National Monument in the lower 48: being told that you are forbidden to poke around without some overzealous Boy Scout watching over your shoulder violates the very ethic of the NPS. Hell, even Canyon de Chelly lets you drive around the rim unmolested. And it's technically not even in the United States!

A little investigation, and, well, opening your eyes while driving in, reveals the real reason for the overprotection - oil and gas. I'd say only Texas would have natural gas exploration within a National Monument, but I'm not entirely certain I won't live to see derricks in Yellowstone. The parks might be America's Best Idea, but their protection is a much younger concept than man's drooling greed. In my mind, we're a gas crisis away from blowing the whole thing to hell. The official story says the guided tours are to protect the source of precious, prehistoric flint, but it's not as if one will turn a corner and find an open field teeming with arrowheads. The entire monument is an abstraction, and it exists solely as a secret cover for the nefarious plots of energy titans. There's a conspiracy going on here, and enlightening tourists ain't part of the deal. At least that's the tale I tell myself to keep boredom at bay.

FINAL RATINGS

Lake Meredith NRA - 2/10

Alibates NM - 0/10