Walking (and Walking) Into Darkness: Carlsbad Caverns Nat'l Park 3/19/10

You'll forgive us at the outset for the relative lack of photos inside of Carlsbad Caverns National Park. It's a dark place, and our camera is crap, so there it is. At any rate, the site's beauty and mystery have been captured in other places - and by better equipped photographers - so the tale we tell will be less about the heart-stopping images than the words surrounding our tired and weary legs. To date, we've seen all sorts of national parks - craggy peaks, geysers galore, and battlefields aplenty - but this one above all requires the most stamina. It's doable, even for tubs like us, because it's all downhill (they kindly provide a brisk elevator to the top after you're done), but don't let the lack of an uphill grade fool you. You'd better stay on your toes, otherwise you might hear a snap, begin a head-over-feet tumble, and knock the unsuspecting from the trail like so many bowling pins. So while it's easy to get lost in the "Holy crap!" views of this subterranean paradise, keep your eyes on the ground as much as possible, with rest breaks when necessary. Don't fall victim to what we quickly learned could fell even the most seasoned traveler - the dreaded Carlsbad Buckle. Knees, meet the quivering of your life.

You'll also forgive us for the lack of our standard picture at the site's entrance sign. Shockingly packed for a calm March day, we were forced to take a bus into the park itself, which disallowed a stop at the sign, even though it might have been tempting to yell at the clueless driver to indulge us. But aboard we went, and the drive in - while long in the sense that my anticipation was high (Brooke was here years before, though her companion nowhere near my level of charm and sophistication), was pleasantly diverting. It's just as well we took the bus, for the parking lot was packed to the gills with fresh, unsuspecting game (in retrospect, I'm not sure how half of them made it down, the poor slobs). The visitor center was buzzing with activity (what's this, a line for tickets?), so while I went to secure our admission, Brooke wandered off in search of the passport station. Little did I know it would be a walk into damnation, as the stamp is - to this day - the most vexing of them all. Why, I continue to ask my humiliated spouse, did you allow that NPS staffer to take your passport book? But before she could process what was going on, the page was inked, and the smeared mess we see today was made all-too-permanent. Tempted to throw the book into the cave and start anew, we instead moped along to the start of the tour, still griping about trivia while others took notice of the surroundings. No one ever said we had any perspective.

Ah, but there it is, a short walk away.....The Natural Entrance. It beckons like a portal to hell, yet there's nothing fiery about the caverns. Always a constant 56 degrees, it's a nice contrast to the New Mexico sun, which can be tough, even in the early spring. Switchbacks follow switchbacks, and while birds fly about you, cacti at the ready, you wonder what in the world you're in for. You might even relax a bit, thinking, "This isn't so bad.....I'll be down in no time." No, sir. Not even close. Once you are in the position to see the above image, you haven't even scratched the surface of the journey to come. This ain't no Jewel Cave, mister. This is the big time, and America's crown jewel of cave systems. Even getting to the Bat Cave section of the descent is only 200 feet. Just getting to the good stuff is one full mile. Before the Big Room, you pass Devils Den (500 feet down), Witches Finger, and Iceberg Rock, a 200,000-ton boulder (!!!) that fell thousands of years ago. But don't get too familiar, friend, as your legs are no doubt feeling the pinch. It's damp, cool, and a little unnerving (faint dripping sounds are interrupted by chirps and munchings that are surely hungry bats waiting to attack at any moment), but stay focused and keep plowing forward.

Okay, so it's the Big Room you came for, and it's the Big Room you're going to get. But again, don't ask for pictures. Just take our word for it - this is a destination spot, worth any expense and distance to visit. It's all the expected adjectives - surreal, other-worldly, hypnotic - and much, much more. In many ways, it's a privilege to witness such bizarre natural forces at work, for it's only due to our ingenuity and imagination that we could open it for public viewing in the first place. Centuries before, human beings had no expectation of taking a casual stroll into the earth's bowels, and likely would have scoffed at the opportunity. Now, we almost demand it. This is a spot where sulfuric acid dissolved limestone, which opened up "the fractures and faults into the large chambers we see today." It's a story of reefs, inland seas, and yes, the creation of the Guadalupe Mountains, which is essential to understanding Carlsbad itself. Drop by drop, billions and billions of times (no, creationists, not simply by God sneezing or something), the carving and shifting continued. As we're reminded, the stalactites and stalagmites (and other formations) began over 500,000 years ago after much of the cavern had been carved out. Mind-boggling doesn't even cover it.

Now, I know you just about tripped over yourself for a full mile, but the Big Room tour is yet another mile of twisting and turning, though most is relatively level. It's all here: the Hall of Giants (Giant Dome, Twin Domes, Rock of Ages), Temple of the Sun, Caveman Junction, Top of the Cross, and Mirror Lake. Sure, the tendency to cover everything with a religious veneer is a bit off-putting, but awe and reverence can be excused, especially for anyone not used to such imagery. One can only imagine what the site's initial explorers must have thought. One can also be excused for finding the Big Room a bit "artificial" at first, as we are no doubt jaded by our experiences with amusement park rides and facsimiles. Much of what we encounter these days is so phony and contrived that we're not really sure how to process the real deal. If an initial swing doesn't allow you to fully compute what you've seen, it is more than understandable. Fortunately, Carlsbad is more than worth a return visit. At least next time, we (and you) will know how to prepare for the physical toil the journey extracts.

FINAL RATING

Carlsbad Caverns National Park - 10/10

That nasty, vengeful park ranger who butchered our stamp - 0/10