Paradise by Shuttle Bus: Zion Nat'l Park 5/23/10

Zion National Park is, above all, one of America's densest concentrations of natural beauty. Unexplored backcountry aside (and it will remain forever such, as you undoubtedly know), the park itself lacks the sprawling, never-see-it-in-a-day breadth of Yellowstone, and is far from the incomprehensible vastness of the Grand Canyon. Instead, it's a tightly packed, easily accessible wonderland of staggering landscapes, made perfect by the Zion Canyon Scenic Drive, one of the park service's most brilliant couplings of crowd control and common sense. Guests must leave their cars at the visitor center (or at several locations before the entrance, depending on how busy it is), which not only relieves congestion, but allows visitors to take a leisurely ride on any number of shuttle buses that are a constant, yet unobtrusive, presence. One can get on and off at any point, take a walk, catch the next bus, hop off once again, and repeat the process as often as one likes. As such, there's no rush or pressure of any kind, empowering the tourist as never before. Who says that the government can't run a tight ship?

As for the visitor center, it was a madhouse, the last real place where one must, by necessity, feel overwhelmed. That said, we pulled a Lost in America and got a prime space right up close, a move which infuriated dozens. After securing the stamp, we set off for greener pastures, but not before using the world's most spectacular hand-dryer. Where has America been hiding this thing? It damn near sucked the skin from my hands, yet left not a drop of moisture. It's the best gadget to cross my lap since the internet. There's a Zion Human History Museum stop almost immediately, but we decided to skip it and the 22-minute orientation film contained therein. We're normally pretty faithful to the park videos, but what were they going to tell us, that Angels Landing kills more people per year than lightning, and only the insane dare give it a go? We'd stick to the eye candy for now. The next stop was Canyon Junction, where one could see the Altar of Sacrifice and The Sentinel, two 7000-and-change foot peaks that stagger the imagination. Yeah, it's a religious revival, but perhaps in a place called Zion you expected something else? It should not be surprising that the area is known as the Towers of the Virgin, and no, not the pasty and nerdy variety.

The next stop allows one to stare straight into the heart of the Court of the Patriarchs, arguably the site's most popular image. As usual, a blue sky enhances everything before you, and the contrast of colors - sky, rock, earth - is as good as anywhere in the entire park system. The Emerald Pools Trails are next (near the Zion Lodge, where we fought like tigers to get some water and peanuts), followed by The Grotto and Weeping Rock, which is a 1/2 mile trail culminating in a large alcove with slippery moss. It is said that visitors can expect to get wet, but we were content from afar, turning aside from the moderate climb in favor of a well-earned rest. Curiously, Zion is the perfect park for the crabby and the lazy alike, as it's enough to look up and around to take it all in. Yeah, one could light out for The Narrows, but why walk waist-deep in cold water? We have no illusions of challenging nature's supremacy, so why embark on a fool's errand? We're lookers, not doers, and no apologies are necessary. I'm getting my quota of fresh air, so get off my back, do-gooder.

The last stop on the shuttle tour is the Temple of Sinawava, which gives those on the ground the best possible view of the maniacs atop Angels Landing. This is where a man feels most insignificant, and it's an exhilirating experience. Alas, no one fell for our entertainment, but we could always give the loop another whirl. Cutting through this glorious canyon is the Virgin River, which provides the perfect backdrop for a moment's pause or, in our case, a moment's munching. Several moments.

Before I forget, don't you forget to spend a little time in Kolob Canyons, which is much more than the bastard child of Zion proper. It's up the road a piece closer to Cedar City, but the Kolob Canyons Road provides a spectacular drive, even if we caught it with the morning's haze still not yet burned away. There's a second stamp here, thankfully, and one helluva backcountry. In many ways, that's the appeal here, as much of Kolob's better sights (Kolob Arch, for one) are inaccessible from the road. No matter, as regardless of your level of commitment, this is the preferred way to start your Zion experience. It's good, but not quite enough, whetting your appetitie for the main course to come.

FINAL RATING

9/10